So i havent posted anything in a while but am looking for a little bit of help now. The 4 star has pretty much promised us that we get t choose our next base but it has to be one of the two inwhich are currently opened. So it looks like either ramstein AFB in Germany or Kadena AFB is Japan.

I have done a little bit of searching around on the two locations and cannot really find much of anything useful so was wondering if anyone has been there what they suggest and all. Any help would be greatly appricated because well we all know how much it sucks to live somewhere that you cannot stand for 3 years.

So, i finally made it back to good ol' syracuse for the next week and a half, it seems like so much has changed its crazy, it almost seems like everything here is so unreal like maybe i dont belong i am already ready to go back to everyday work back home in alaska.

It was funny reading back on my post from december when I was last in syracuse i said that I think Alaska has become more of a home now to me and its funny because 6 months later I have determined that Alaska is my HOME! no questions asked,

And that is also something that i though alot about on the 18 hr flight cross country. that I am on vacation that I will be back home in a few weeks, i never really clicked with me until now how much i love it there.

Well i have a few errands to run and people to see, will update later

K

So im just kinda looking back and it has been months upon months since I last updated. I live in Alaska now, having a blast and absolutely loviing it there. Made a new bunch of friends and found out who i am. I called off my engagement for those of you who are wondering it was just to stupid for me to continue through with and hell i mean im only 20 there is still so much more that i can be doing with my life.

I have been hanging out with a college aged group of kids and for once i actually feel like i am happy and i belong somewhere. My best friend of all time though is getting married. Military deploying out feb. and just met the girl but there really isnt to much that i can do about it other than just be there for support and also to be there if pieces need to be placed back together.

Right now i am back in sryacuse for leave and beginning to realize how much alaska is my home now, and tat if i have the option to stay there for the rest of my life than i will and would love ever minute of it.

Some pictures of my life now!!
<lj-cut text="

           Some of us all hanging out after a day of snow machining


                beautiful view from the beach


 ::You know you are in Alaska when you become friends with the baby moose that is always outside your window


 And you see more of these than any other bird            


 Actually a picture of me smiling. not sure what it was

And there will be more to follow. Take care ya'll and if you are in the Syracuse area get a hold of me i lost all my old numbers but im home for a few weeks.>

This is Kristen's Mother. She arrived safely and is doing fine. She says she is really enjoying it and cannot wait to hear from everybody when she gets home

I got called today. Its been bumped up. I have 13.5 more hours as a free women. I'm leaving at 0400. Now what do i do with theses last 13 hours of freedom?

Do you ever get that feeling that something is wrong, and something bad is happening and you know that you have no way to stop that feeling? Yea well thats where I am at right now. Its been 3 days since I have talked to steve from a I will call you right back. He is ignoring my text messages and wont return a call. And about two days ago he commemented on how he never thought of himself as being single. im nervous now that this whole relationship is going down the tubes. and if that is the case than i just wish he would be open with me and tell me rather than beating around the bush.

Or am i just over reacting. We were suppose to be getting married in a few weeks and now he starts pulling this. Should i just see whats going on if i can ever get ahold of him?

I was woken up once again by the storms that we have been getting recently.And thats when i noticed how much this storm was looking like a fire fight. The thunder stoped and there were not bolts of lightning, just flashes every second coming from different directions and of different intensities, and for the first time it made me feel like i was viewing a fight of some sort.

i guess this entire is pointless. I do have things to update on but i dont know. I guess i dont really care cause im not really sure if it even matters to anybody


farwell

Where to start not really to sure. Hmmmm. well 1st of all what I have been asked by a few, My number has risen and I am heading out. But before all of that will take place, I have a lot that has to be done.  I might add how much i have realized the military runs your life and how things that might before be a long spread out experience gets rushed. and rushed more than before, now imagine the military controlling two lives who has since decided to combine to share one. otherwise know I'm getting married.

We are just doing a small court side wedding before i leave for basic. I have signed off that Ft. Richardson is my home base, 5000 miles away from what use to be home. And why did i end up doing that. Well because if i didnt than me and steve would pretty much never get to see each other and that is what his orders read. Ft. Richardson ak. So we are getting married. Spending a few days together before i ship out for basic. basic n ait for me and than when i get home we figure we will have about a week and a half before he leaves for afghan. and by the time he is home i will be leaving. And we have already started making plans for when we are both home again we are going to do  a real wedding, familes friends and the whole nine yards.

Other things that have been happening in my life. After 20 yrs of being raised and never going to church or anything else I have finally found a religion that makes me happy, now you might be asking what after all thoes years no guidance towards religion made me turn that way. Well i had always had it lingering over my head when i had to fill out papers on what religion i was with the army. and i was just sitting there thinking how can i chose a religion when the only times i have ever been inside of a church was for weddings or funerals. so i just left it blank and figured that one day i would maybe find something or not. Well one of my really good friends, has had a tough time the last year or so. going in and out of rehab for drugs and everything else. Kicked out of his house, and not really having anyone by his side to support him. Came clean once than got back into something else. Ended up finding himself barely breathing and heart pretty much not pumping in the back of an ambulance. He got sent into a rehab and absolutely hated it. I ended up getting him and becoming his support system and part of the court orders keeping him from jail is he has to get associated with a church and me being his support i started going with him and fell in love. Yes everyone i said it I AM RELIGIOUS NOW.

ummm other than that i am not really sure what else big has been going on. I am sure that there is something actually i know there has to be something but all well. I just cannot think about it right now. Just not in a very functioning mood just thought that i would update this thing so everyone knew i was still doing fine.

Just so everyone knows i will be keeping my same 315 area coded phone number when i move to ak so you can keep in touch with me there. I will have 2 weeks around christmas time that i will be home with steve, or at steves house hes from pa so i will atleast be on the west coast. get a hold of me or leave something on here i would love to be able to see everyone and im sure steve would love to meet some of the people that he has heard so much about.


Keep in touch guys and i will try to write more often. I will make sure to post pictures later sometime.


O by the way this is the weddind band that I am getting steve. What do you think?  http://www.zales.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2501076&fbc=0

So today I was at work and my mom called me. I didnt answer but i called her as soon as i got out of work, and she told me i had to come home right away. I got home and my fish were in the cooler, instead of their 55 gallon tank. and about 30 minutes later she was throwing them in the pond down the street. It made me sad. I went to the harbor for the party than came home.

Got home and guess what my mom said. Go fisihing i want your fish back. to bad its to late.   I am gonna miss my fishes good luck in freedom. I hope you can survive. maybe i will stop by and throw in some food soon

Now I am going to start off by saying that i am not the superstitious and actually 13 is my lucky number but yesterday was by far the worst day EVER!! Thing were just part way bad and then they just started getting worse and worse. 1st thing 1st was just getting woken up early early, wrong number again. Now that doesnt really bug me I actually enjoy when i get myself out of bed earlier so that wasnt so bad. Got up cleaned some and than decided to go running, than come back and deal with some mischarges to my school account and such.

so I went running and actually did a real good 1.4 miles in 7 min 23 sec so i was happy about that. Got home, and before I took a shower i decided to call tara and find out why i was getting charged for something that I wasnt even there for when it happened. found out that I have to write an appeal letter and such. But while i was on the phone with her we just started talking small talk and she was wondering when i was leaving. And while i was on the phone with her i just ended up walking into our pool still completely in all of my running clothes. All well nothing big there so i was a little wet. Stripped down to my spandex to go back into the house and i apparently found a nice hornets nest and got myself stung 8 times in the shoulder and 3 times in the forearm. Nice trip to the hospital there for me. and boy have i learned to keep my epi pin filled.

After all of this it was time for me to head to work. Got stuck in the construction got there late to work ( Had to stop at walmart and get tye dye stuff for the children today). Got to work and melissa was suppose to stay and help tye dye with the kids but all of a sudden she pipes in can i do my shirt now because i am leaving. So i was left at work with a bunch of 5 year old tye dyeing and running around crazy, i just couldnt handle it.

At work I than got yelled at by 2 of the kids parents because even after I warned them that we would be tye dying they sent their children in good clothes and got dye on them.

Got home went swimming again ordered a pizza they forgot to make. (ended up recieving it 2 hours later)  tried to go bowling but there was no open lanes went out to get movies instead.

Now its 11 at night and I am driving home from getting movies. I have to drive thorough the construction zone that stretches a good 16 miles.2 laned road. U-hall is coming head on at me over the center line. I move over a little bit. But apparently to far. car falls off the side of the road about 8 inches down i get back on the road and i hear the air coming out of my tire. i pull over the first chance i can and chris starts trying to put on my donut tire. the jack kept going deeper into the gravel. finally he gets it changed. Now i was thinking i just popped my tire. Nope completely bent the rim, Now i need to find somewhere to fix it.  2 places near by say they might be able to fix it. i hope someone can. so we will see. I'm stressed, and wish that my dad was here to help me or something. I need his advice. I miss him.

Cannot even get ahold of my mom. She went out drinking last night, with a girlfriend and never came  home and isnt answering her phone. I guess i am on my own for this one.

well I am gonna get dressed and start my day of sitting in dealerships. and hope that somebody can get this damn tire fixed.


sorry for the rant, I will post on my day later.

Good Morning world. At first i thought that I was experiencing a great curse but then I realized the blessing that I just found. I feel asleep earlier in front of the tv and slept for about 2 and a half hours. Once i was woken up and went upstairs to get ready for bed, i was wide awake. So i watched a few eposidoes of bones and now here I am lying in bed. Since it is one of the first cool nights in a while my shades are up my curtins are flipped over the rod and my windows are open letting in the fresh summer breeze.

Seeing we just moved here not to long ago I have not been given the pleasure of a night like this before. Where you can hear the swift river flowing with the occasionally jumping fish. but what is even better than that is the fact that there is little to no light pollution, and you can see damn near every star in the sky. and let me tell you this much it is beautiful. And a sight that I am having a hard time looking away from to post this,

Actually I dont know when the last time i had an experience as wonderful as this one. And at a time like this i feel completely at ease. Nothing is really flowing through my mind and for once i had to dig to come up with my current issues which i am going to let sink back down and out of me for now. maybe i shall try to take a picture to share with everyone. But for now I have already wasted enough precise time writing this away from the beautiful sight i have in front of me.

and actually right now i do not even care that my alarm is going off in 2+ hours. Its my moms birthday, and I have a video message from dad. That I am going to play for her. I hope she enjoys it. I actually figured out how to project it over her tv, and place it on a timer to go off after her second snooze. I want to be awake though to see the look on her face when she sees it. Tomorrow is actually gonna be a long day to. Sharing that with my mom before she goes to work. than a few hours later driving into town to take the dogs to get bathed and their hair cut. From there an oil change if i can get in than probably going into work early. Yes i said early. It beats driving over an hour home to turn around and drive back. and than moms picking me up from work ( hopefully my car will not get towed for leaving it in the parking lot) while we drive into the ciry for diner and to walk around window shopping. Really it is more of her window shopping with me pretending to have a good time allowing her to build memories before I leave and getting to spend as much time with her as possible. after that it will be late but an 45 minute drive back to work followed by an hour drive home. And than probably lying in bed again gazing at the stars until my alarm goes off for another day of work.

And than Sunday Morning. Hot Air Balloon ride at sunrise. What a sight that will be. I just hope its a nice day.

Good Morning or Good Night which ever you prefer.

So I am lying in bed. tried going out from a run with my dogs but it ended up turning into a walk that was cut short because of the fact that i didn't feel good and now I am here. I already posted for the day about my day. I did forget to add that the school year ends in 17 more days which means I will get a new group of children at school but anyways I decided to do the writers block thing. I have never done one of these before but i think that I will give it a try

 know recently I dont know if it is one of the funniest things that have ever happened to me but it is something that me and all of the guys at the recuiting station with me few close friends which i have shared this experience with but it would have to be one of the times right before i was going to be measyured by a female sgt. who was coming into the station for me ( the station near me is all men so when a female needs something someone has to come in from else where) anyways this is when sgt ski was still around and he had just stopped by work to let me know that i had to stop by the station later that evening and get married. Perviously to leaving he tried so very hard to convince my female co worker that she wanted to join the army. now mind you she is very busy and also very anti military so just his whole experience trying to get melissa to think about enlisting was funny but something that you would have to be there to know and also know melissas personality to get the full laugh out of it.

But once i got to the station sgt came out to meet me in the parking lot and told me that we needed to run to K-mart to pick something up. Me having now clue what he might have been talking about was like alright sure whatever. On the way there sgt told me that i needed to get a pair of "granny panties" and that the ones that were control fitting is what the female sgt. required her "clients" to be wearing. Ski than asked me if i knew what these panties where and i didnt have a clue so he decided to come into k-mart with me.

So there was me and sgt. standing infront of the granny panties trying to figure out which pair i needed. And then all the join of then finding the right pair because apperantly the only sell Med + sizes and well i needed smaller than a med. specially in granny panties.

Sgt, didn't want there being record of him buying me granny panties so he had me go to register myself witht the moneyt that he gave me. He told me that he would write it off but we all know that he didnt.

Now to this day whenever i need to go in to get measured he looks at me and goes do you have the magical panties as if they are something special. When ever he says that everyone at that station starts laughing and then he just pipes in... and can you believe they were on sale half price.

I dont know if it is all that funny for someone that wasn't there but I know for damn sure it is funny for everyone around here. And i know that is one story that i will always remember when thinking about the steps that i went through from enlistment. And hopefully one day if i ever become a recruiter i will not have to buy magical panties for anyone male or female, but it will be a story that i will always be able to tell just like how it is possible to loose i9 lbs fasting in a day in a half about 5 lbs an hour in a sauna and preparation H and scran wrap will actually take inches off your body over night....

O BOY!! Do i HATE being sick. went back to the doctors today because it seems like i just cannot kick this cold. It has been dragging me down for 16 days now. Ever since my sisters graduation it seems like it just keeps getting worse and worse. So i crumbled down and went to the doctor. Yup i have now been pulled from work (*even though my boss will not honor it). Had to call sgt. and check on some medical issues because one i have been issued and inhaler and two i am on controlled substances now and not sure how that will react with my up coming drug test. umm other than that nothing is up.

Gotta sit and nurse myself and kick this out of my system. I need to get up to my fullest and make sure im ready for the steps that i am about to meet

Another Day has come and gone. I've finally made weight, But I am still working on getting more in fit dont want to get my ass kicked in basic. Been running with sgt. Ruff cause ski is gone. down at knox till god knows when. but whats really new with that. I finally told my boss that I was leaving in a little over a month. The kids knew I was going army because sgt. always use to stop by but now it has gone out to all of the parents and everything else. And I have never realized before how much someone will treat me different knowing that I will soon be leaving. I mean i have been in here for over 5 years. I wonder if they would be treating me the same way if i was leaving under different terms.

For instance parents are always commenting on how you have to be extra respectful to me, when leaving and make sure you say thank you. And to the point where one of the parents told their children that they had to call me Ms. now instead of the first name that they always call me. But all well.

Me and justin talked for a few minuted the other day but nothing good went of that and he was very short with me. I have a feeling that the conversation will not happen again for sometime. It makes me sad, but i guess it is life. Might even make my life easier once I leave because then I don't havr to worry about having someone to come home to and try the hardest that we can see each other if we get breaks at the same time. But at the same time it might also make things harder because i won't have that something to look foward to.

Well i am watching bones right now. I got all of the seasons so that i could catch up on all of the shows that i missed when i was away at school, and busier than could be.

Its amazing how much some people change once they enter the army, hell any militar branch for that matter, and for that right there I hate the services yet ironically enough I will be bound to them soon enough, with nothing that can get me out except for time.

Well its sunday morning in the good old parents house. It finally cooled down from yesterday so now I am just lying in my bed with the windows opened. The breeze is blowing the stained glass windows around and every time they slam  I keep jumping, I forget that the slighest breeze will send them flying around like crazy.

Its offical me and justin are nothing anymore. Not even friends. He cut all ties off under the assumption that i cheated on him and let me tell you something that is a bunch of bull. He says that one of his good friends saw me holding hands with another man. And the funniest part about it is the location and date that this such "EVENT" took place I was a good 7 1/2 hours away. Out of town, but according to justin that was all a giant lie too, which I have to say the military sucks. Before he went in he would have never pulled this crap and would have atleast listened to me and believed me when i said i was out of town. But now the military is making him question every little aspect of his life even the things that he knows to be true. But anyways I have a ticket to california in december that I still might use. Now granted I Need to find a hotel room now and other things to do but does anybody know of anything really fun to do around the sacramento area? Or in day trip range?

Today is gonna be the first full day that my entire family is back under the same roof, and probably one the the last times for quiet some time. My sister came home from Maryland while he boyfriend goes off to some excioted vacation with his family. Truthfully they have been together long enough (hell they are almost married) that you would think that she would be invited to but that is sa little to much to ask. Though I have to say she has chaged greatly. Mike who is he SO has a completely different life style than we do here. And unfortunally my sister is adapting to that and kinda forgetting her roots which is really a sad thing when I think about it. Actually me and my mom where talking the other day after my sisters graduation and about what family events and holidays would be like and my mom said that for the most part she thinks that my sister is kinda gonna leave our family and that we wont really hear from her that much. I mean thats the whole reason she moved to MD. Thats where Mike is from. She had gotten her job here in syracuse, which is only like a 45 minute drive away from home and she said that she would only accept it if they moved it to MD. But idk its sad when i think that i am losing my sister and even sadder when i realize that if she doesnt come home for the holidays and i am away than my parents will be home alone for the holidays and that just kind of makes me sad. all well. bottled up emotions cap going on them now.

its been a while since i have updated about myself and the tings that are going on with me.

All of last week i spent out of the general area. Only hoping on to make  quick updates to what is going on. Spent some time helping out my sister. At her graducation and also camping with a few girlfriends.

I got myself i ticket to california to go visit justin for 10 days over christmas. And was trying to find a way to contact his family so that i could keep it a surpise for him but i guess that is not going to happen anymore. 315$ down the drain. he wants nothing to do with me all over a miss understanding. He thinks i cheated on him, and trust me, i didnt. i got in this relationship for the long hall. I actually thought that he could have been the one. But i guess now we will never know. I am out of the dating field now. I don't want to put myself through this heart ache ever again. And trust me it will be a long time before I am completely over justin. I actually dont think that I will ever fully get over him. He has a piece of my heart. He made me feel like no one has ever made me feel before. but enough about that. there is no use bringing up sore subjects will just bring more tears to my eyes.

i had ben questioning recently if the army was actually for me but now i know it is. I am a loner and once i leave nobody is going to miss me. So this is my final decission. I am leaving. I have pretty much dropped all of the weight that i needed to. July 8th i go and then im shipping out 6-12 days after that. 3 yrs, and than if i am still alive at the end of thoes 3 yrs than i will re up untill i am no longe given the option. And hopefully I will be in a better place by then, but i have learned that i am a loner. I will be alone, and that is that. I am closing my heart to the rest of the world. And only one person might ever be able to open that heart back up. But as of now... its jsut a sad story. a mistake that i would do anything to clear up.

Right now though im sitting at home on the couch. I'm sick and trying to fight it off even though i am very unsuccessfull at it. maybe i will go for a run. maybe i will go out on the boat i dont know.


I jsut wish that he would let this be resolved. I love you justin reed.

until later fairwell. there is really no point in keeping this up anymore

how can you make someone believe you that has their mind set on something else? I'm lost right now. Justin and me had a fight he deleted everything i sent him, and refuses to talk to me. I love him with all of my heart and I just wish he would understand that

So i was planning on flying to california to surpise justin for christmas. he is going to be home visiting him father, and I thought that it would be a good idea. Has anyone flown across country to visit their SO as a surpise. Any tips would be nice.

Also I am working on putting together a package to send him. I havesquirt guns already and am planning on making cookies. does any one have any other ideas

I talked with Justin the other day and I cannot wait. He told me that he will be home for christmas and he will be home again next april. I cannot wait to be able to see him every day. I love him with all of my heart and I would do anything for him.